Captain Canada

The description for Busted Tees' Captain America-inspired Captain Canada tee (16.99 USD) is 'Keeping miles of barren snowy wasteland safe.'

Hey, come on! There's a lot of interest in our Northern waters!

Please God, Don't Make This Kid a (Bigger) Star

Is that his real voice?

Vintage Canadian: Smooth Mooves

Thanks Jezebel for posting to this vintage ad for Windsor Canadian. Almost as good as watching Don Draper drink Canadian Club (he likes it neat).

30 Rock Mocks MTV Canada

By some strange coincidence, last night's 30 Rock rerun had Steve Martin's character, supposed millionaire Gavin Volure, mocking MTV Canada.

Liz Lemon: I really enjoyed watching MTV Canada with you.
Gavin Volure: They can’t seem to get anything right up there, can they?

He also compared Toronto to New York ('but without all the stuff') and used a bottle of inexpensive cholesterol medication as proof that he'd been in Canada.

They've got to have a few self-deprecating Canuck writers, right? (Which would also explain why the show's so damn good!)

MTV Mean to American Stoners

VS.

Feminist pop culture site Jezebel's resident stoners-turned-agony aunts Tracie and Rich posted this p.m. about their horrible experience at MTV Canada. Apparently someone named 'sheener' contacted them about doling out advice on air (though she, along with the hosts, didn't quite seem to know who they were), but the whole thing went down horribly and they got lost in the land of incommunicado – both because of technical problems (they were using Skype for video and a cell phone for audio... whaa?) and because of this odd mix of... I don't know... extreeeme '90s MTV in-your-faced-ness and not-quite-there-yet-but-I-hear-the-kids-are-down-with-it edgy cyber technology.

The whole thing was obviously a mess and the hosts did probably the most obnoxious thing possible in that situation – they made it seem like it was Tracie and Rich's fault (you know, 'cause they're stonnned), asking 'Are you on the moon right now?' They talked to them in an incredibly condescending manner, basically insulting the pair because they (the hosts) didn't read them out the questions properly. Not everyone's great patching over technical difficulties, but this came out petty and unprofessional. And all this after MTV asked them to appear on the show.


Anyway, Tracie's comments (below, bolding mine) prompted plenty of MTV Canada hate and apologies from Canadian Jezebel commenters. Could this be the start of a cross-border flame war?

We thought Canadians were supposed to to be polite, but they weren't gracious at all about all the stupid shit we had to do to make this happen. The guy told the audience that they'd never get those three minutes back, but thanks to the janky sound of MTV Canada, you didn't hear Rich say, "Neither will we." We were doing them a favor. They asked us to do this. We didn't get paid, but you can see in the video that they repeatedly mention something about $40. We'd like that $40 ($35.0665 USD) because the story we got out of it, as much as we so cherish it, is still kind of shitty compensation.

Anyway, what we've learned from all of this is that being rejected by MTV Canada is like being rejected by an ugly guy you never were interested in to begin with.

If Canadians keep feeding this jerky rep, I may have to change the descriptor of this site!

King of the Hill: The Canadians

As promised, here are the best bits and quotes from Sunday's episode of King of the Hill:

-In general, 'The Canadians' (often referred to as such, especially be Hank) were jackasses. They insulted Hank's lawn and preferred beer, called the cops on the Hill's party and were very un-neighbourly.

-Plenty of jokes about centimetres, Canadian football and a basket-load of ‘Eh’s. And the wife brought her own maple syrup to Texas.

-Am I the only Canadian who's never even heard someone refer to a couch as a chesterfield, except as a joke?

-The couple's kid wears a Proots shirt.

-'Jeff' Boomhauer's French Canadian lover (in Guelph, Ontario? Okay then) bringing him Coffee Crisp. Also, Boomhauer speaking garbled French.

-Hank:'A man only has so many summers. Why would he choose to spend one in a country that’s dismantling its navy?’

-Hank: 'They’re probably not used to dealing with neighbours. Canada is vast. You could go months without seeing another person.’

-Hank: 'That must be how they trash talk in Canada. With little chuckles.' (That one's my personal fave.)

-Bobby: 'Can I have a half-litre of OJ?'

-Kahn: 'If you ask me, America's buiding a wall on the wrong border!'

-Canadian Husband: ‘You Americans are so insulated. Tell me who our prime minister is!’ Hank: ‘Why?’

-Towards the end, Canadians are labeled as sanctimonious and bland. So, did Mike Judge have a bad experience or is he taking the mickey?


I also looked around for reviews of the episode and found some polite rage:

From Firefox News

The Hoskins were shallow, irritating caricatures of Canadian stereotypes, their roles unleavened for the most part by any sense of humanity or sympathy – they were snotty and unlikable, and unworthy of a happy ending. Because of this, the show’s message comes off as strident and needlessly reactionary.

From No Homers Club (love the name):

-While I'm sure they are way more offensive despiction [sic] of Canadian on television, being from Quebec I rolled my eyes hearing the girl who name and accent are way too France-French and when she ask him to make love to him the sentence is oblivously [sic] one written and spoke by one that never spoke french as the sentence all wrong (and her accent like a french trying to sound like a quebecer)

-As a Canadian, should I be offended by this episode? Objectively, I thought they painted an oddly cruel depiction of Canadians, while still adopting a bunch of tired stereotypes. [...] The ending, where the Canadian guy isn't even grateful was also a bit malicious. Was this all for the sake of making a point about Americans acting like good and grateful neighbors, despite their greatness? I'm... a bit confused. And as a Canadian, I will say that backyard bar setup looked extremely appealing.

So, what did you think of the show's portrayal of Canadians? Pure satire? Genuine criticism? A refreshing alternative to Michael Moore-style idolatry?

(and hello to all of you checking out the site since I linked to it from Facebook! Feel free to love, mock, or mock out of love!)

King of the Hill: Ending on a Canadian Note

First That '70s Show had the kids driving across the border for beer. Then The Simpsons came here for cheap meds. Now criminally-underrated Mike Judge comedy King of the Hill is heading North (well, briefly) as Boomhauer trades houses for the summer with a Canadian couple in the episode "Uh-Oh Canada". Apparently Hank et al try to make their new neighbours feel welcome but don't quite see eye to eye on several issues (Guns? Abortion? Health care? Pick one! Though I wonder how much more effective this would have been pre-Obama). Whose Line is it Anyway's Colin Mochrie provides one of the voices.

Check out the episode – which is also the show's 13th Season finale and third-to-last episode ever – this Sunday on Fox. I'll be sure to note my favourite bits!

On Canada...

I've been meaning to include quotes on Canada here and there (aside form the classic Capone one in the blog description). Was listening to a piece on CBC Radio about the Battle of the Plains of Abraham when this gem came up (and yes, the preceding sentence is one of the geekiest, most canadian I've ever written):

"Canada, a few acres of snow." –Voltaire (that's "quelques arpents de neige" in his native language, of course).

With the unseasonably cold weather we've been having lately, who can blame him?

Kid in the Hall: Scott Thompson

Believe me, believe me, I intend to get to every single member of Canadian comedy troupe The Kids in the Hall, but for now I'm going to focus on Scott aka Buddy Cole aka Queen Elizabeth II aka 'the gay one.' (It always amuses me when someone is introduced to the sketch show and asks who's gay and who isn't).

You can argue all day about which Kid has had the most successful career since the series ended in 1995, but I've been catching up on The Larry Sanders Show and Scott deserves props for his turn as Hank's assistant Brian. He's efficient, polite, witty, and oh-so-Canadian. According to his interview in the DVD extras (conducted while he takes a bubble bath), he was scouted by Shandling himself and agreed to do the series, but insisted his character be Canadian. It's fun to hear him slip in an 'Eh' here and there, and anyone who can hold his own against Jeffrey Tambor is a star.

Check out his very first episode below (you can find them all on YouTube).


(By the way, according to Wikipedia he's turning 50 on June 12, so here's wishing him an early 21st birthday.)

Harlequin: 60 Years of Canadian-Made 'Mommy Time'

According to ABC News there's one surprising sector valiantly plowing away amidst the recession – romance novels. Harlequin's fourth-quarter earnings were up 32% and they sell about 130 billion books a year. (I actually knew all this after doing an article on where frustrated mothers and bored substitute teachers can turn for editorial stimulation now that Playgirl has folded.)

Fun fact: the mega publisher started off in Winnipeg, Manitoba and is currently based in Toronto. I love the ABC announcer's acknowledgment of this:

'Yes, we do get our romance from Canada.'

Other things I love about the publishing company, aside from its country of origin, include its wonderfully euphemistic tag line – For Women Who Love to Read – and every single title in its latest list of bestsellers (found here)

Top 10 Bestselling Harlequin Novels (April 09)

1. Temperatures Rising
2. The Greek Millionaire's Secret Child
3. The Sicilian Boss's Mistress
4. The Tycoon's Rebel Bride
5. Valentino's Love-Child
6. Montana Mistress
7. The Moretti Arrangement
8. Propositioned Into a Foreign Affair
9. Fortune's Woman
10. The Once and Future Prince

Check out the full ABC video below, or just see the best bits – stars like Paul Rudd, Cheryl Hines and (Canadian) Seth Rogen reading excerpts of Harlequin novels – at Videogum.